I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize