I bet he comes in French.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
