We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Mom said you looked used
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
