george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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