I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
