She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
