My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
