thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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