How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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