how can u be prego again
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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