I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
