dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
