It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
