she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
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Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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