The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
