I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize