It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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