he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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