false alarm. still invincible.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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