xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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