apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
