hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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