you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
