Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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