I need to stop coming to work sober
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
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i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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