I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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