Kiss
Puke
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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