i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
