morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
