Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
