Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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