I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
