he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
