if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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