Is it normal to miss your booty call?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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