no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't deserve a penis
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
