This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
