he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
