I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
