I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
