We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
