She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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