I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
