Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
