I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
