After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
