why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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