I'm gonna have a badass scar
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
