i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
