i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
