and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
