ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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