Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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