Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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