So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
