Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
