you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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