God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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