I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
