I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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