I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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